Day 19: 32,004 words and welcome to New Jersey, Jorn Alcorn!

Writing started off really slowly, as I had to come up with how Jackie and Annalise's relationship would come to an end in the past. I had a good sense of how, and why, but it was hard to write and sad!

Here is a section that I think describes the emotional tone of their relationship, and why it had to end.

She had so many questions- where had he been, how was he free? But Jack didn’t want to talk about those years, and for a time she indulged him. She didn’t ask him about the scars on his body, though she ran her fingers over them, tracing the lines, the bumps, as though through her touch she could know all of his stories, could heal the things inside of him that were broken. She thought it was a kindness to let him keep his secrets. She thought that maybe he was right, maybe some things were best left in the past. The past, however, wasn’t ready to let go of Jack Bauer.

Jack wouldn’t tell her about his work, he was quite adamant.

“You are my escape from it all, Anna,” he would say, and he sounded so tortured she didn’t have the heart to push him, even though she was afraid. She was afraid when he disappeared for days at a time. She was even more afraid when he returned, with fresh bruises and cuts, exhausted and hungry, and desperate for her in a way that didn’t feel like love. It felt like he was clinging to her to save his life, to save his soul.

Was this love? She knew it was, and yet. And yet. She didn’t know how to finish that sentence. What she had with Jack was something more than love. It felt beautiful and wild. It felt dangerous. She began to fear this love would consume her whole. She began to wonder if she could survive it.

But she wasn’t the same, either, was she? No. She was not Jack’s Anna anymore. She had made a promise to Jack years ago, that no matter what it took, she would survive- no apologies. And she had. She had become Annalise, and Annalise had things to live for, dreams of her own. Annalise would save her before she was crushed beneath the weight of Jack’s love for her, of her love for him. Something cold began to unfurl within her, a part of her that would break whatever was necessary in order for her to break free. There was a part of her that would break her own heart in order for her to survive.

Then moved on to current day, and finally got to include Jorn Alcorn- I have been planning this since the name first came up, it just took me a while to get there!

As he returned his attention to the room, he realized that his mother appeared to be in some sort of argument with the police officer, which also didn’t make much sense.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize he was your brother!” she was exclaiming, her hands out in a conciliatory gesture.

“Huh?” Ethan asked, confused. His mother, a sympathetic look on her face, turned to him.

“The police officer just introduced himself. And then…” Ethan looked to the officer’s name tag. It read ‘J. Alcorn.’

“Oh, is your name John Alcorn, like the famous naturalist?” he asked. Beside him, his mother shook her head and grimaced. Apparently he had asked the wrong question.

“We are not here to discuss my more famous brother!” he shouted, his face stormy. “My name is Jorn Alcorn, not John! And I have a really important job. I investigate murders! Which, might I add, is way more important than making cheesy videos that play at some stupid museum in some stupid small town in Alberta!” Ethan could see that the man was still bitter at his parents for giving him the worse of two extremely similar names, and he couldn’t blame him. It seemed pretty harsh. He decided not to press the matter, realizing that making this man their ally was likely in their interest. Ethan was very, very good at making allies, and good at getting what he wanted. It was a skill he had learned from his mother, which was why he was very surprised by what his mother said next.

"I can see that you are still bitter," she said, smiling sweetly while she delivered the sick burn. 

This was so unlike the mother he had grown up with that for moment, he forgot about everything else and simply looked at her, his mouth ajar. His mother had always known exactly what to say, exactly what to do. “Your mother is so charming” people always told him. His teachers, his friends’ parents, his coaches, everyone loved her. Sure, she could be assertive when she needed to be, but she always had a way of getting her own way without ruffling any feathers. She had a way of making people think it had been their own idea all along, rather than hers. Why was she needling this cop?

Why indeed? If you had asked Annalise, she wasn’t sure she could have explained it herself. Was it the strain, the stress of the situation that had her dropping her guard? Hardly. She had a goddamn PhD, she was immune to stress at this point. No, it was something else entirely. Something inside of her was rising up in protest. She was tired of being perfect, she was tired of being what everyone else wanted her to be all the time. Why did she have to play nice to get what she wanted? All this time, over all these years, had she been interpellating herself? Had she been playing a role, playing the con? Or had she been conning herself, turning herself into something she had always loathed? Annalise wasn’t sure, but what she knew was that she was goddamn tired, and this goddamn cop with some weird family hang-up was pissing her off, and she was not going to play nice. Damn the consequences.

“Close your mouth dear, before a fly flies into it,” she said, and Ethan closed his mouth with a snap, still looking at her incredulously. The cop, he saw, still had his mouth hanging open gormlessly. Well, to hell with him, Ethan thought. Let a hundred flies enter his mouth. He had been warned.