Day 5: 8,583 Words, and the Birth of Annalise

Today I wrote a section called 'The Birth of Annalise' which chronicles when Anna made the decision to change to become Annalise. She is living in the home of Mr. and Mrs. Gauthier, the first well-off family she has ever lived with. Here is a fairly long excerpt from the end of the section, where the change happens.

“You know, Anna, this," she gestured around the room, spreading her arms wide “this is the greatest con there is.” Anna thought about how the cops had acted, how different they had been in this neighbourhood, in this house, talking to this woman. Anna thought about her spotty attendance at school. Thought about how despite the fact that she had never completed homework or cracked a book she had somehow managed to complete eighth grade with passable marks. She thought about the roughness of the older boys she had brought here, and how their eyes had grown big and round when they saw where she lived. She had seen it all, and let it all slip by in her furious desperation to destroy the world. She saw now exactly what Mrs. Gauthier, what Catherine meant.

As it sunk in, Anna allowed a memory to surface that she had buried down deep. She thought for the first time of the words that Jack had hurriedly spoken to her as they sat in her room for the last time, as the police climbed the stairs of Mrs. Randall’s house to take him away. She could almost hear his gruff, deep voice in the room now, delivering the advice he had given her so many times over the course of the 6 years they had been closer than friends, closer than family. “You do whatever you need to do to survive and you don’t apologize for any of it. Whatever it takes,” he had said, holding her eyes as the cops burst through the door and seized him by the arms.

Anna looked up at Catherine, and she saw a lifeline. She saw that she could survive, but in order to do so, Anna must die and someone new must take her place. As though reading her mind, Catherine began to speak again.

“Of course, some things will have to change,” she held Anna’s gaze, and Anna, for the first time in her life, felt a blush of shame warm her cheeks. “You will start school in September- a fresh start at a new school. No one there knows Anna Cassidy.” And no one ever will, Anna thought.

Catherine moved to the double doors of Anna’s closet, and slid it open. She pulled down a basket from the top shelf and set it on the bed next to Anna. Then she pulled down another. Anna saw hair products, blow dryers, cosmetics, face creams, and other items she didn’t recognize but knew she could learn to use. Catherine gestured toward the clothes in the closet, the ones Anna had never worn. They were beautiful, colourful, fashionably cut. Anna had refused to wear the clothes, hating their softness and the way they revealed the curves of her body. She had clung to the baggy clothes she could hide inside, revealing only what she wanted everyone to see. But now Anna saw that in that closet were all of elements of an identity she could hide behind. She could put on the expensive clothing, she could tame her wild curls and her wild ways. She could become someone else. She could hide in plain sight, never revealing who she truly was beneath. If this was a game, Anna would learn the rules. She would play it perfectly. Excitement began to course through her veins. She had always loved a challenge.

The survivor inside of Catherine recognized the survivor inside Anna, and knew she had been understood. Catherine nodded and rose to her feet.

“I will leave you to it. We will initiate the paperwork and enroll you at Blythe Academy in the fall. You will take our name of course, and I think perhaps from now on, I will call you Annalise. It seems more… fitting,” she said, closing the door gently behind her.

Annalise Gauthier, Anna thought, rolling the name around in her mouth. Yes, it could work. It would work. She would become Annalise Gauthier, and she would fulfill her promise to Jack. She would survive, whatever it took.